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[Nov. 19th, 2009|05:31 pm] |
I'm in an Intro to Painting class - where we're all using oils - generally for the first time. My teacher has developed the habit of giving me C's while almost everyone else, despite skill level, get's B's or A's.
Okay - I feel kinda dick-ish writing this post - comparing grades or whatever, but I'm genuinely curious of outsider opinions.
Other students in my class regularly approach me and specifically compliment my work - ask how long I've been doing art, etc. Everyone has talked about how they're shocked my grades are always at the bottom. Everyone knows it's bullshit. [Please know I'm not as full-of-myself as I sound. I'm just really frustrated right now.]
My painting is the first one - of the little tricycle. I know it is not deserving of an A. I realize it looks rushed and incomplete. I could have spent more time on it. I genuinely have a hard time with oils - and am really excited to learn to use them properly. I think a B- would have been a decent grade for my work. I'm not happy with it - but I did put in a lot of time and effort. But, alas, I got a C.
All the other paintings I have posted got B's.
I'm not saying these other paintings are worse than mine. All these paintings have strengths and weaknesses - and I don't see why mine had to be singled out as the weakest is all.
Is this just in my imagination? Everyone in my class has let me know they think it's as bogus as I do.
Today, I asked him about my grades and he yelled at me outside for a bit. I'm going to lose my shit.
Please don't think this is some ego thing.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|06:26 pm] |
About that last post.
So I went to download that torrent shit - and my hard drive fucking crashed. [I don't blame any of you at all - it might have been coincidental. Who knows.*]
Long story boring:
-I had to buy a new computer.
-My car broke down and I had to pay to patch it back up.
-Got plane tickets to meet Logan's family this Christmas in South Carolina.
-And of course, I got vehicle registration stuff in the mail. $90.
I'm so broke and sad and want to go live as a hermit.
*I don't like the look of proper punctuation there
Also, that four days I just spent in the hospital - the bill came to $32,000. They literally took some blood tests, gave me an MRI, and some antibiotics. [I refused Crohn's medication - which would have hiked up the price like a bitch.]
Thank God for my dad's insurance. I'm terrified of getting older and not having my own. HERMIT. |
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| Technical Help |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|11:13 pm] |
[if this isn't allowed feel free to delete - i just figured someone here might have dealt with this same link]
I have no idea what a torrent is - or anything - so bare with me.
Might anyone be able to help me out?
I'm on a huge audiobook kick - and can't seem to find Stephen King's Desperation as an audiobook anywhere but here.
It says "Download this torrent!" Is that seriously just a file that is the Desperation audiobook? Is it safe to download that Vuze program mentioned right below?
Also - Stephen King audiobooks [even used CD's/Audible/whatever] are so damned expensive. Any suggestions for other places to get his audiobooks?
Thanks! |
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| Technical Help - TORRENTS? |
[Nov. 9th, 2009|11:04 pm] |
I have no idea what a torrent is - or anything - so bare with me.
Might anyone be able to help me out?
I'm on a huge audiobook kick - and can't seem to find Stephen King's Desperation as an audiobook anywhere but here.
It says "Download this torrent!" Is that seriously just a file that is the Desperation audiobook? Is it safe to download that Vuze program mentioned right below?
Thanks!
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| Costuuuuumes |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|05:07 pm] |
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Hardly the epic Halloween post I'm used to posting . . .
[Scar]
These were all Tygue's creations. Shelley and I are wearing [altered] costumes that Tygue made for a Tim Roth movie called Pete Smalls is Dead.
I always get sad when I have to wash off crazy make-up/remove rad costumes.
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| !Jonah Hill! |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
Okay - I found this photo on the Internet. It's Jonah Hill and a pretty awesome tranny - at my art show. [I had no idea they were there. SO UNCOOL.]
I cannot believe how much of a loser I am - but look closely at the lower painting behind Tranny. Does that visible two squared inches of surface area look at all familiar? Yes?
YES!:
Fucker didn't buy my painting, but - at least I know my painting has been in the presence of a god.
Let's all watch Superbad. Then "Freaks and Geeks."
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2009|11:53 pm] |
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Motherfucking Complexes
This weekend I dropped down to 95 lbs. That's a total 30 lb. loss.
And I got so heavily complimented by strangers who didn't know it's because I'm sick and thought it was pretty. Damnit. Coooooooomplexxxxxxxxessssss.
How Cool People Can Be
I was also just fired for being sick. For the 2nd time. Cool, guys. Theeeeenks.
That Last Painting
When I took my painting to the gallery for it to be hung, a few people gathered around to compliment the art - saying they recognized my work from the last show. They were SO enthusiastic and even excited to meet me. It was the weirdest fucking thing. Someone walked my painting into another room, and the gallery owner promptly carried it back out and came to talk to me. He talked me up SO much and was thrilled. For the past year he's been nice to me but never really noticed me or probably cared to, but it all changed HUGELY in this moment.
I went to the show that night - the painting didn't sell. My expectations were too high as my last two sold. As I left the gallery with my painting, the gallery owner was back to not noticing me. What a bonerkill. I was SO excited there for a few hours.
Disgusting confession: I'm NOT being one of those people that asks for more LJ comments - I'm just saying - I can't believe how much importance I place on the reaction I get when I post my art online. When I get like 2 comments on my art MySpace or DeviantArt or whatever - I get SO down on myself. It makes me particularly grossed out at myself knowing this. Not a healthy habit.
Dream Come True I'll be working the freaking Queen Mary Shipwreck for the rest of the month!!! I'll be playing a vampire/ghoul/clown/mental patient/pirate/etc. in a maze sorta thing on the actual Queen Mary! ALSO, I'll be working it with Logan which is AWESOME. I recently didn't see him for about a month, and he'll be crashing at my place for a while - which'll be magical and nice. I also just told my parents about him [in a super passive weird way where they had no chance to respond] - even though we've been dating almost three years. Yike. |
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| That's the point of the thing - not to know. |
[Oct. 16th, 2009|02:00 pm] |
Here's a piece I did too quickly for the show tomorrow night. I'm SO behind in life but still did a piece when I didn't really have to. Not smart.
Worked from 8:00pm - 6:30am last night on this [session 3 of 3]. Painting has to be the only thing that can keep me up like that - working through pretty obnoxious physical pain and weariness. Also, this was one of the first times I had the painting span more than one session. [Usually I just paint ~10 hours straight.] Any time I was away from it - I was anxious - knowing that the painting had the potential to SUCK or be decent. I just wanted to get back to it and get it DONE with to find out if it would, in fact, end up sucking or decenting - just to calm down.
This was the first time where I drew out drafts, covered them with tracing paper and redrew them - altering them slightly each time. Helped tons. But, I did end up rushing the thing and not planning accordingly and fucking up tons. So I learned from this one. PLANNING.
Listening to Oingo Boingo in October = vital. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|12:06 am] |
Feeling tons better. Walking is still a bitch, but I'm so much happier. Thanks to you all for being so sweet.
It feels good to draw whatever I damn well please. |
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| Gimme a fastforward button. |
[Oct. 7th, 2009|06:39 pm] |
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My backbone sticks out SO far now.
I feel like I'm going to die all the time now. Fuckingshit. |
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| CrippleSara |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|07:52 pm] |
Well, I acted dumb and careless with this raw vegan thing and landed myself in the hospital.
I thought I was way more resilient and invincible and healthy than I actually was and slowly got sicker - sort of in denial/scared to let down friends who were suspicious of the diet - until I got way too sick and thin.
Note to everyone: don't blame raw foodism! I fucked up! People, even with Crohn's, ARE able to do this healthily and awesomely. I did it INCORRECTLY and learned my lesson.
[While rehabbing at home after the hospital, I copied this Gustave Dore piece. I'm WAY into his stuff right now and wish I knew how to do engravings and old timey looking art.]
I've fallen way behind in school. Went to make up/FAIL a test today and am disheartened as fuck. Coming home, I slept for a few hours to catch up on energy, which is obnoxious. It'll be a slow and steady path to health. And if I rush it, I'll just fall back so I GOTTA be strict.
I even have a handicap placard now for my fucking legs.[Crohn's makes my legs all painful and stupid.] Rad parking. Not worth it. |
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| ewwww help ewwww douche |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|07:48 pm] |
I think I've completely fetishized productivity.
I've always fantasized about being productive and perfectly busy and on top of my shit. For YEARS. Seven maybe? How embarassing.
I've got all these talented artists on my Friend's List who are constantly creating and working and evolving. While I sit on my ass and watch it and fantisize that I'm doing the same. I've even got one artist on my Friend's List who once posted an entry calling people like me on our shit. He's ONLY RIGHT.
FUCK!
I won't even tell you the ratio of hours I've spent this week awake to how many hours I've spent on this goddamned laptop.
I'm so embarassed and ridiculous. I'm even always reading these sort of self-help books and whatnot . . . inhaling them and hoping they'll work on me. EW. EW. EW. EW. |
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| 21st Birthday, Raw Vegan FEAST, Drive-in Movie |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|06:06 pm] |
My birthday was on the 10th [there was a shitload of people on my friend's list with birthdays this week] and it was REALLY nice. My birthdays usually blow somehow, but this one was solid.
[Before I type anything else - here's a preliminary sketch of me as "Boney Levi" - this comic book character my loveguy might be illustrating. TIGHT!]
We went to an all raw-vegan living foods restaurant that was heinously expensive, but also the best fucking food I could have asked for.
Then to a drive-in movie where we sat in a convertible, watching INGLORIOUS BASTERDS which was fun as hell. Don't forget your glasses - SO MANY SUBTITLES. I've got pictures of all that - but they're on disposable cameras yet to be developed.
Food porn:
Keep in mind NOTHING here is cooked. It was FUCKING DELICIOUS somehow - even says the non-vegetarians. I forgot to photograph 1/2 the stuff. Everything else in the photos is half eaten too because we dug in way too fast.
Tacos sans the salad -
( Read more... )
I also started real college recently. It's been enjoyable, but - I'm an idiot for this - I CANNOT enjoy anything because of the amount of shit I have to carry for the mile or so I have travel from the parking structure to the art buildings [art buildings are the farthest away of course]. I need a pully dolly thing or something along with forty five bungee chords. [Also, my feet are all fucked and bloodied because that bitch threw out my shoes. REMEMBER HER? Shit got SO dramatic, guys.]
I spend 90% of my life eyeing people who look like they have their shit together and marvel at their abilities as I trip and stumble and drop everything and DIE.
I have a crazy Halloween boner right now. |
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| Advice |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|06:30 pm] |
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Okay, I'm asking advice here.
This is ridiculous - but I'm ALL CONSUMED by it. My friend's birthday party was the other day. I left without my Rainbow sandals [changed into other shoes at the party] which are worth, with tax, around $50. The next day, his roommate threw them away [as well as the birthday cake, with no one's permission]. RIDICULOUS. I wear them literally EVERY DAY and have had them for years and was planning to wear them for years to come. They're also my only real pair of shoes. She refuses to buy me new ones/reimburse me "on principle." I have no idea what she's talking about. She also claims it was a total accident, and that she didn't know that they were anyone's - but she was there for the party and KNEW that people were over. Is there ANYTHING I can do? Like threaten her with small claims court or something? Destruction of personal property? I know this is ridiculous and dramatic and lame, but I cannot let someone get away with throwing away my personal possessions. |
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| Que Ceraw Ceraw |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|05:13 pm] |
QueCerawCeraw.blogspot.com
^new blog!^
I realize that probably no one will follow it, so I doubt I'll make it into an LJ syndicated feed deal-y.
It's about me going RAWWWWWWWWW.
Today's my first day as a raw vegan. I'm done with these goddamned medicines.
SWEET!!!
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| 13.1 |
[Jul. 27th, 2009|07:49 pm] |
i was NOT prepared
SO FUN despite it
totally got a legitimate runner's high
26.2 next year YEAHHHH
my friend and i stayed in a hostel
i think i'd like to live/work in a hostel one day
while running across the golden gate bridge
alongside this amazing triathlete girl
i decided i want a tattoo that reads
NO EXCUSES
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